On the Day before Christmas…
I took a moment out of this season of love, acceptance and warmth to reflect on those things I just can’t stand. Blog world, meet my nemeses (none of which are the word nemeses, because that’s just a fun one…).
1. This bush.
Why? We have had a long and tumultuous relationship for many years. That is all I want to say about this issue.
2.Mazatlan Mexican Restaurant.
Why? This is worst restaurant ever. Even their chips and salsa are awful. It’s like dipping grease into salty red water. Yet everyone I work with loves the place and goes at least once a week. Making it my weekly task to come up with an excuse as to why I can’t go.
3. The Fray.
Why? I listened to this CD while trapped in a small car with 4 other people for 7 hours. On loop. And the band wasn’t that great to begin with.
4. Right and left.
Why? How can anyone tell these apart? It takes me a good 30 seconds to figure out which is which, and I’m still wrong half the time. Don’t ever ask me to give you directions while you’re driving. Trust me.
5. The Katy Perry song “Firework.”
Why? I have never felt like a plastic bag. Never. Ever.
6. Saran wrap.
Why? How does anyone freakin’ use this stuff? It sticks to me, it sticks to itself, it ends up wadded in a ball–all while never covering the dish it’s supposed to cover.
Why? Again–how does anyone freakin’ use this stuff? It burns, no matter what I do. If I stare at it, it burns. If I constantly stir it, it burns. If I ignore it and don’t open the lid like you’re supposed to, it burns. Unless I cook it in the slow cooker. Then it just goes straight to “pudding.”
8. Some foodie blog crazes.
Why? You will never convince me that kombucha, bean-based desserts and Barbara’s Puffins are things worth eating.
9. High heels.
Why? Sure, they look cute. But two minutes later my feet hurt, I can’t walk downhill (or at all), and I end up wandering around some public place with gross floors while barefoot. Hand me the high top sneakers, please.
10. Ice Water
Why? Ice water always tastes like chlorine, hurts the back of my throat and ends up spilled down the front of my shirt when cubes abruptly decide to shift position. So you ice people can have your cubed or crushed coldness, I will have my tap-temperatured goodness.
The good, the bad, it all makes life worth living. Where would I be without my nemeses? Unable to use the word nemeses, that’s where. And that is not a world I want to live in. What’s a nemesis that gives your life some oomph?
Merry Christmas (or happy holiday of your choosing!) to all my lovely readers.