My legs and hips have felt a little stiff. So last night I thought…yoga! Great solution, right? I did a quick Google search, found a promising video, broke out leggings-to-be-worn-as-pants (as this is only acceptable for yoga), unrolled my roommate’s yoga mat (I’m sure she wouldn’t mind?), and got ready.

I love the idea of yoga. Really. I do. There are just a few problems that get in the way.

Problem #1

Right and left. I can’t tell right from left. I mean, I can, it just takes me 15-30 seconds. Each time. So directions such as, “Put your left heel by your right knee and your right arm around your left knee”? I’m still back figuring out which leg is left by the time I should be looking like a well-stretched pretzel. And then I can’t remember step 2 by the time I do figure it out. And then we’re on to the next move, and of course it involves the right leg, so I have to start all over again.

Problem #2

Breathing. In here, out there, but then I get behind because I’m still worried about whether or not I accurately determined which leg was left, and suddenly I haven’t inhaled for a minute but I’m supposed to be exhaling right now and I end up gasping like a fish on land (and probably flopping around like one too–my yoga is still working on that graceful “flow” thing).

Problem #3

Inflexibility. Yoga’s supposed to improve that, right? But only if you can sort of do the move. Half way through the video, the guy directs you to “try” putting your foot behind your leg. Come now–really? I’ll just sit here and wait for you to finish.

Problem #4

Comcast. I was getting into the swing of things–I had paused to write L and R on my hands and feet (not even kidding), I had started to breath when I needed air, I had forgiven Mr. Yoga for asking me to do the impossible…and my Internet connection started sputtering. Because the Internet in my house never works around 7pm. Which is an unfortunately great time to do yoga. After only completing one side (don’t ask me if it was the left or right), I had to quit.

Problem #5

Stress. Between confusion about right and left, uneven air supply to the brain, scorn for the instructor and anger at the Internet…I half-finished my yoga workout more stressed than I started. Next time I want to relax…I think I’ll just read a book. Or lift something heavy.

(That said, I still think my roommate has talked me into taking a hot yoga class with her.)

Do you yoga, or no?

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