Since I make the drive to the middle-of-nowhere this evening and begin my house-sitting/hermit-ing adventures, I’ve prepared a little list of dos and don’ts for the remainder of the week…

Do Not…

  • Wear appropriate amounts/types of clothes. If I must put on a shirt and pants at any point during my stay, they will be old, mismatched or otherwise thoroughly unpresentable for public wear.
  • Wash dishes. They have a dishwasher! What a new-fangled luxury.
  • Talk to another human being. I’m turning off my phone, and I really don’t plan on leaving the property unless absolutely necessary.


  • Get adventurous in the kitchen. I am given free range of what I can find in the garden/cabinets, so every meal is like my own personal episode of “Chopped.”
  • Watch TV. I don’t have a TV. They do. Watch out trashy reality shows, here I come. I’m ready to take three days to burn out on you for the next half a year.
  • Read. And by “read” I mean, “take too many naps.”
  • Lay in the sun. And by “lay in the sun” I mean, “take too many naps…in the sun.”

And of course…I will relax! But I think that one can be inferred from the above…

And to prove how good I’m going to be at cooking random stuff, I’ll leave you with these collard green and hemp protein patties. I was going to make Kat’s green monster pancakes, but then I somehow used none of the listed ingredients, dumped in everything else I found in the kitchen and ended up with savory and very green patties. That taste amazing dunked in sriracha. But then again, what doesn’t?

What does relaxation mean to you?