Sometimes you want to eat well, but dang it, you’re tired of cooking, being classy and acting refined. Solution? Low-brow food with high-brow nutrition. A.K.A. “Hot Pockets” of protein-amazingness. Lazy, easy, and reminiscent of that familiar microwaved Italian desperation. And just in time for this week’s MMAZ challenge featuring onionssort of.

(Now is this a great and appetizing opener for a recipe or what? But seriously, who wasn’t thinking of Jim Gaffigan as soon as they saw “Hot Pockets?” I promise, your guts and glory will be more than a-okay after eating this.)

Adult Hot Pockets

  • One Flat Out Italian flatbread. Okay, you can use any tortilla/wrap, but these things taste all Italian and stuff and have a whopping 9g of protein per serving. Just a personal opinion, as I continue to not get money/free stuff from companies.
  • 1/2c cottage cheese
  • 1/4c TVP
  • 1/2c Pacific Foods low-sodium tomato soup. Okay, sometimes I get free stuff from companies–when I win Kristina‘s giveaways. Sub other tomato soup if you insist. Or be classy and use real tomatoes/sauce. But really, this is a hot pocket. Don’t get too classy.
  • 1/4t onion powder. I’d say you could saute up some real onion and actually use veggies like the MMAZ challenge calls for, but that’s really too classy. Again, this is a hot pocket.
  • 1/2t Italian herb mix. I suggest the $1-or-less store brand options. Or Mrs. Dash.

Microwave (yes, microwave, don’t you dare cook this on the stove, you chef you) the TVP, tomato soup, onion powder and spices for 1 minute, stir, microwave another minutes (until all liquid is absorbed). Stir in your cottage cheese, microwave for 30 more seconds (until warm-ish). Warm your flatbread in the microwave (or you can heat it in a pan–just promise me you won’t clean that pan afterwards, a quick wipe is sanitary enough!), spoon in your sauce, roll, eat (and make as big a mess as possible while doing so).

And don’t worry my vegan friends, I haven’t left my roots too far behind! The version above subbed cauliflower for the cottage cheese. Because I ran out of cottage cheese. And had limp, almost moldy cauliflower in the fridge. Solution? Hot Pocket. Microwave it with the soup and TVP, roll, eat.

Bonus Hot Pocket points if you literally lick the plate clean.

Keep it unclassy, folks.