Because my life hasn’t magically stopped being awkward since my last list of awkward things, you get another dose of…

Things That Are Awkward…

  • Describing figure competition bikinis to executive bigwigs. I went out for a two-year work luncheon with the CEO, CFO and CMO. Figure competing came up. They asked me to share pictures, I had to explain how and why my hobby is not HR-approved…
  • Being rewarded for two years of service by being randomly selected for a drug test. Ahh, nothing like handing a stranger a warm cup of pee.
  • Discussing coffee with fellow gym-goers. I couldn’t not follow up a statement about my coffee preference (“I like it black!”) with a good old, “That’s what she said.” While standing next to a really hot dude. Who is black.
  • Being creative. Wait, that’s not awkward? What if, in the process of pursuing your painting hobby, you manage to knock every. single. giant. canvas off the top shelf at Michael’s?
  • Amazon’s delivery system. Ordered three items, they sent three items. One at a time. One per day. Which gave the UPS guy plenty of opportunities to make fun of me for wearing the same sweats three not-quite-evenings in a row. What can I say, I like my jammies on at 4pm. No shame in that.
  • Washing your hands with mouthwash. I shouldn’t be allowed in fancy restaurants. But then again, fancy restaurants shouldn’t be allowed to put mouthwash in what could be mistaken for a hand soap dispenser by the less refined.
  • Getting your car “fixed.” I took my car in to the dealer, because the dash lights were going out every time I turned on the headlights. Turns out there’s a button on the dash that controls this. Good thing I made that service appointment.
  • Craving broccoli for breakfast. I mean, seriously, I like my nutritious foods and all, but who wakes up with a hankerin’ for broccoli? I’ll have to eat a Poptart later to balance out this too-much-healthy-nonsense.

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What’s awkward in your life? Or are you just one smooth-running machine?

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